*Apologies to Mr. Robert Fulgham whose book title I partially ripped off

Flashback to 1999: Yours truly was still in an overachieving geek in grade school, a girl with waist-length hair and belonged to an analog home. Most households in the Philippines didn’t boast of state-of-the-art desktop computers , while some [insert “extremely lucky” adjective here] techie-savvy households were hooked to the Apple fever as early as 1988. What most Filipinos had were the most basic prototypes of a dinosaur computer, humongous diskettes from God-knows-effing-when-era, bulky monitors and lethal weaponry that was dubbed as “wires”. [Yes, wires were deadly, snake-like things you wouldn’t want your toddler to chew on or play with.] Indeed, the notion of “Wi-Fi” or “wireless fidelity” was unknown yet to the whole world. We had not discovered yet this blessed invention, which has become a normal service offered to the designer coffee-sipping denizens of the world.

Fast-forward to the present: We have wonderful playthings called “laptops” and we now relish the joys of sipping Starbucks coffee while checking our email or merely summoning encyclopedic knowledge literally under our fingers. The World Wide Web has paved the way for our generation to get things in an instant with the most satisfying click at a button [all this while waiting for your microwaved dinner]. As a kind of homage to Robert Fulghum’s world-famous book [All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten], here’s an amalgam of Internet basics one has to absolutely remember and we probably have learned this also in kindergarten:

1. When in doubt, ask your teacher.
Notice how kids always seem to have their hands raised up in the air when they want to be acknowledged by their teacher? The same principle goes for end-users who wish to make a comment or inquiry. If you want things done, it is necessary that one has to send feelers that you want to be heard. Flag down webmasters with a concise email stating why you think their website needs further restructuring. Brighten up their day with a remark on why the content rocks. By all means, leave your crayon mark on their pages. After all, extra traffic means additional income. See that feature which says “Contact Us”? Go drag your mouse there and type your heart away.

2. Kids can always start a fight to catch everyone’s attention in class…
…but you’re not a whining baby anymore. Internet users should be educated enough to know that sparking a senseless tirade over the Internet [especially in forums] is just so infantile. Flaming is not only an indication of intense anger, but also an insecure disposition in life and must be avoided at all times. If you must express your pent-up emotions, let it be through a more private means [a polite email or phone call sounds good] at a time when your initial anger has subsided. If lashing out is your chosen path, then, you’d soon find out that you’re being kicked out of the playground. You wouldn’t want that to happen because all the fun happens in the sandbox.

3. Wait for the teacher’s instructions before you proceed with the activity.
In a similar manner, be patient in waiting for the whole page to register before clicking any links or buttons. Oftentimes, in our insatiable thirst for fast information, we don’t realize that we need to read through all the letters and string them together to make sense. In other words, we can’t comprehend what the websites are trying to offer if we don’t scrutinize the entire page. This is the part where the scrollbars at the right side of our screens come in handy. After all, you would want to see the whole gamut of facial contortions that Jim Carrey can do in a fan website, don’t you? Take the time to use the up and down buttons as frequently as you want to.

4. Believe it when your mommy says that everyone’s special.
Our moms are usually the card-carrying members of our personal cheering squad and it applies to all websites in the world. Chances are, those websites were created to address a specific or general need. Every hub page serves its purpose, and so do you. The information superhighway might give you tips on seemingly ludicrous subjects [for instance, how to milk cows] but you’ll never know who needs this teeny-weeny bit of information. And remember to utter your thanks to the person who made it all happen for your convenience.

5. We’ll all keep running back to Mommy and her magical mushroom soup.
Despite all the Internet relationships you can forge, whether it be platonic ties or full-fledged romances, nothing can quite replace the analog way of meeting people. That means that you do have to unplug the modem [and the computer as well, unless you’re downloading movies] to fully engage in a human experience. And when the going gets tough in this harsh world, you can always turn to Mommy’s magic recipe [read: your family’s love] to dispel all the gloominess of your day. After that, you can go back to your virtual world and rant on your blog.

All in all, the Internet has truly enriched our lives. But in more ways than one, we do learn the most vital lessons from kindergarten and the classroom of Life. Get a virtual life but don’t forget to enhance your REAL life!